The bottle of cooking sherry was already half drained and Draco was feeling it despite the lack of real quality. The only good thing about this last resort of his was that sherry tended to be rather strong, and it was doing a rather good job of kicking the blonde’s pompous arse. ”Bloody elves are bloody usesless,” he slurred, tilting his head back too far as he took a long pull on the bottle, only to fall off the crate he’d perched on and drop the wine. ”Aw, now tha’s a damn shame!” he cried, looking sideways at the pinkish amber liquid that now spread in a little puddle over the floor.

Some of it reached his hair and Draco shook his head, closing his eyes and laughing. ”Father won’t be happy with you, Sherryyyyy,” he called as if the wine was some sloppy woman. ”Malfoy hairs are supposed to be fancy. Never drenched in alchy-alco-hall.” The boy giggled, actually giggled then lifted himself from the floor, staggering when he realized how dizzy the movement made him. It seemed the elves were not very pleased by his actions, as one forced a large glass of water in his hand and another forced a familiar potion into his other.

”Didjew steal this from godfather? ‘Snot nice to take things that aren’t yours.” he snapped, but downed the small amount of sober-up potion. It wouldn’t get rid of his drunken state, but it would at least take him back to a normal drunk instead of the sloshed piece of shit that he currently was. That was a problem, however, as the night’s events played in his clearing mind and Draco groaned. ”Dammit, give me my drunkenness back!” he swore, kicking an unsuspecting elf and pulling at his liquor-soaked locks.

He searched for more wine but came up empty handed and angry. The elves were all hiding from the angry dragon, it seemed, which meant he was not going to be getting any sort of help. With a sigh, Draco thought of one other way he might shake off the images of him making a complete arse of himself and the pain in his girlfriend’s eyes because of it, not to mention the accidental confession of Potter’s… He searched the pockets of his slacks and finally came out with a cigarette-style joint. A grin stretched across his face.

Ah, such a sweet mix of muggle and wizard ingenuity. The plant, a muggle thing, was freeing in itself, but when magical components were added… Well, Draco had the right idea in trying to escape his own mind. The boy held his wand to the perfectly rolled treat and inhaled deeply as the wand tip burned the paper, releasing the sweet smell of intoxication into the room. He sighed and exhaled a cloud of smoke just as the portrait opened and he glanced at the newcomer, hoping he wasn’t about to be expelled for all his troubles. That would just be the icing on this cake of an evening.

Typically at this hour, Tobias was either working on his reputation, either with a witch or at a party, he was on patrol, or he was asleep so that he could get up at a more decent hour than normal the next day. Tonight, however, the castle had been mysteriously quiet in terms of both parties and reasons to patrol. He suspected that meant that someone was up to something big, but they had hidden it well so he wasn’t going to go searching. If he found out something dangerous was going on he would step in, but he was not going to seek out and ruin well planned out fun.

That meant he had actually spent the night working, writing out a Charms essay that was due Monday, unless it had actually been due in the week that just ended and it had slipped his mind. Sadly, even though he was skilled in the practical aspects of wandwork and could easily do everything he had to write about, the theory of it was boring, so he had never learned most of the information he needed. The Head Boy was far more likely to do and not worry, rather than thinking all of it through. Unfortunately, that meant that what should have been a relatively simple essay took the use of several research books and most of his night.

When he finally finished it was late, he was starving, and he felt the need to do something to unwind his tired brain before he went to sleep. That meant he left the mostly empty Common Room behind and took the short path over to the Kitchens. As soon as Tobias tickled the pear he smelled something familiar that almost made him turn around and leave. Then again, this would really be the perfect way to unwind.

Stepping into the room, he addressed the House elves first. “I know you guys don’t all sleep at once. I could really use a sandwich here.” With that taken care of he turned his attention to his company, which turned out to be a Slytherin Prefect who looked like he was in a terrible state. “I do hope you intend to share, Mr. Malfoy,” he said with a friendly smile, taking the sandwich that was handed to him by an elf who looked to be quivering with fear. “What in the world did you do to my wonderful elven friends, by the way?”

The Slytherin held out the joint to his oh so rule abiding Head Boy and grinned at him as the kid took a hit. ”I always share with those worthy of it, but you might want to be careful. It’s pretty good shit,” he said perhaps a bit later than would have been helpful. Draco was in a rather wonderful headspace suddenly, and he figured his eventual decision as far as forgetting the pain shooting through his chest was a pretty good one. The cooking sherry had probably not been so good, however, as his head was already starting to pound slightly, though the pounding was getting duller with every puff he took of the joint.

Grey eyes grew large and confused when a timid elf came wandering out in a bright pair of mismatched socks to deliver the sandwich to the Head. The blonde would know that elf anywhere, but he would swear he was hallucinating its sudden appearance. ”Bloody hell, what did they put in this stuff? I’m imagining house elves from my childhood now…” he muttered, then looked at the boy who had demanded an explanation for the elves’ absence.

”Right. Uh… I think they might be a bit pissed cause I got mad at Sherry. I also might have upset them by demanding more liquor even though they aren’t allowed to give it to students, and I made a bloody mess of their kitchen.” He peered a bit guiltily at the Hufflepuff, then around them at the mess he’d managed to make before taking the doobie back and inhaling deeply. He didn’t give his comrade much choice as he thrust the thing back at him and looked at the one brave elf again.

Draco tilted his head and poked at the elf’s ear. ”Alright then Dobby-hallucination. Might you be able to get us some munchies? Don’t care what, really, though if you really are a hallucination of my old elf you’ll know my favorites.” The ear certainly felt real, which seemed strange, as his hallucinations weren’t normally so… corporeal. He was starting to wonder what the hell he was actually smoking, and whether it was safe to share with the Head Boy like this.

Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on the point of view), Draco was too high to care, and simply encouraged the boy to take another good hit before passing it back. ”So what are you here to forget? Or did you just happen upon a fortunate situation and come along for the ride?”

Tobias took a bite of the sandwich, the offered joint, and slide to the ground near the crate Malfoy was on, his back propped against a table. The warning came a little too late, and the Head Boy took a bigger hit than he probably should have. Not that he would have listened anyway. Growing up mostly around muggle musicians made him generally assume he was the school’s leading authority on illicit substances.

Maybe he should have listened to the warning that came too late, as before the smoke had fully finished its cycle in his lungs he was seeing spots to go with what he had expected. “What in the name of tits did you put in this?” he coughed out. Then again, Malfoy appeared to have no idea either, since he was apparently hallucinating and clearly hadn’t been expecting that. This was why you never bought from a dealer you couldn’t trust.

“Dude, if you need a fix, you don’t go to the elves,” Tobias said, shaking his head and pulling a flask out of his pocket and passing it over with the joint. He didn’t drink often, but the little metal container of vodka gave him the option. “You come to the experts.”

He shook his head at the boy. Sadly, the elves would help him, or at least the brave ones would, and his favorite snacks were likely to appear in a moment, whether this was the elf he thought it was or not. Elven magic was extremely powerful, even if it didn’t have the best judgment, causing the elves to help all people basically equally.

He took a smaller second hit of the joint and coughed a little. “Seriously, what is in that thing? He took another small hit, thinking about the question as he passed the pot and whatever else back. “I’m just here unwinding from homework and having a snack. You wanna talk about whatever knocked you down so low?”

Draco shook his head at the Head Boy, finding him amusing and wondering if it was just the effects of the pot. He snorted at the boy’s words and took the offered flask, pulling at least a double from it before smacking his lips and grinning at the Hufflepuff. This was just strange. He was having a good time getting stoned and who knows what else with a Hufflepuff in a power position. Maybe this weed really was laced with something crazy and he was actually all alone in a puddle of puke…

”You are really here, right? I’m not like… pissed out of my mind to a point of hallucinating the Head Boy doing drugs?” he asked suddenly, trying to focus on the boy but finding his eyes weren’t exactly liking that idea. The boy instead took the joint back and inhaled long and hard, deciding that if this was a hallucination he might as well embrace it.

Soon, the familiar little elf had brought Draco’s favorite childhood treats on a platter. Peanut butter and bananas, a pile of chocolate frogs, super salty crisps, and sliced granny smith apples. His eyes lit up with appreciation at the array of goodies and he reached out to pat the elf on the head. It seemed rather pleased with itself, but still didn’t dare speak. ”Okay, if I’m not hallucinating you, then how the hell long have you been here and why haven’t I known? You silly little elf! I’ve missed you!”

Draco started laughing and it was almost a giggle, but he couldn’t care about it. He was much too intoxicated for caring about anything. ”I don’t even bloody know what the hell’s in it, but I’m liking it. And I don’t really want to talk about what got me here, but I probably need to do so, so I guess I will.”

The bonde ate a piece of apple and looked at the Hufflepuff, wondering just what the Head Boy might have to say about his situation. ”There was a game and a few dares and my girlfriend was there and I didn’t back down. So basically I fucked it all up because I am a dog. And I have a giant ego. Oh, and the fucking boy who bloody lived is in bloody love with her.” With that, he grabbed the flak again and took an even longer pull, coughing a bit after swallowing the alcohol.

Tobias actually laughed at the younger Prefect’s comment before shooting over his best attempt at an evil smirk. “Maybe you’re having the world’s worst trip and you’ll wake up in the hospital in about three days’ time.” The smirk broke down and he laughed again. “Or maybe the Head Boy grew up entirely around muggle folk musicians and has probably done more drugs than anyone in this school, professors included, as a result. They’re a good, fun way to loosen things up.”

He watched the boy interaction with the elf with an amused chuckle. He didn’t have the heart to tell the blond that the elves made it a habit to know as much as they could about any students that visited, and that this might not be the one he thought it was. Better to let him have his weird happy moment. He looked like he really needed it. Still, he thought a bit of caution for the future might be warranted. “Dude, always vet your dealer. Some of the shit they sneak into pot to save money can kill you before you know what happened.”

The Head Boy thoughtfully ate his sandwich as he listened to the story and decided what to do about it. The Malfoy heir had really stumbled into the perfect person to talk to his problems about, even if Tobias would never be brave enough to tell him why, even with the like ninety-eight percent chance that the blonde wouldn’t remember a bit of this when he woke up tomorrow afternoon.

“One dog to another, let me tell you what you need to do,” the Hufflepuff said with a friendly and weirdly nostalgic smile. He hadn’t had this kind of problem in a while. “Firstly, never bring your game to any game that involves alcohol and other witches. Only bad can come from it.” That one had almost gotten Tobias a scar from the overprotective sister of a witch he tried to date once.

“Second, apologize and expect it to take some time for her to forgive you. Behave until she does.” That second part was important. It was really easy to get a witch almost to the point that you were okay again, and then fuck it up forever because you got tired of waiting. “Finally, don’t even worry about Potter. There will always be better blokes, and they will always seem better than you in some way or another. Your witch chose you for a reason, and as long as you don’t do something to blow that reason up, she’ll keep choosing you.”

He took his flask back and tried to take a swig, finding that the Slytherin had basically drunk it all and there were only a few drops left. Disappointedly, he slid it back into his pocket. “Oh, and when you wake up in the morning and this is all super fuzzy, come find me. I’ll say it all again when you’re sober enough to remember and listen, if you want.”

Draco was sure the boy’s words should have actually made him think or something, but he was much too intoxicated to care at the moment. He didn’t really hear the Head Boy so much as he knew he was saying important things and so he nodded right along with them, all the while scarfing down as much of the food before him that he could. He was hungry and he was tired and he was so beyond frustrated that he didn’t even care anymore about anything. There was very little chance he could fix everything he’d screwed up in his life, especially since those screw ups included the Dark Lord and Pansy Parkinson.

Thoughts of the Pug made him groan as he remembered the deal he’d made with his girlfriend, if he was even allowed to call her that at the moment. He was going to have to ‘date’ that thing again. Oh Merlin, he didn’t want to do this. But if it was what would save the little snake from her sadistic uncle… Well, Draco would just spend more time under the influence of his friends Sherry and Mary Jane.

Most of his goodies were gone and he’d already downed a good pitcher of water that the elf who looked suspiciously like Dobby had brought to him without being told. Looking over at the Hufflepuff proved that he was out of his drink and had finished his sandwich ages ago as well. The joint had finished burning with the last pull Draco just took, and he snubbed it on his shoe before tossing it with the trash just to make sure it wouldn’t catch anything. Now that he was less pissed off he didn’t really want to cause any more trouble for the elves.

The boy felt himself float into the last high he’d get tonight and hoped it would be enough to carry him off to sleep. He stood from his crate and gave the Head Boy a quick nod. ”Right. I’m sure I’ll remember.” He strode to the exit, waving to the familiar elf on the way. ”If you ever need a toking buddy… you know where to find me,” he said with a wink as he strutted out the doors, feeling good for now and not thinking about what was to come.